Making Connections, Part 1: Mindset
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
When people ask me where to meet someone, the assumption is usually that the right location is the missing piece. If they just knew the right bar, class, or café, their dating life would take off.
But the most important factor is not location — it’s mindset.
Mindset #1: Who can I get to know?
Everyday moments — like reading, working, or grabbing coffee — can open the door to new connections.
Most of us walk into new situations scanning for attraction, thinking, “Is there anyone I’d date here?” That filter is too narrow.
A better question is: Who here might be interesting to get to know?
Maybe it’s someone who becomes a friend, introduces you to their circle, or just shares a great conversation. Broadening your lens makes connection feel easier and less pressured.
Mindset #2: Curiosity > Outcomes
A good conversation isn’t about the outcome — it’s about the exchange.
We live in a results-driven world, but human interaction isn’t a quarterly report. Instead of measuring whether a conversation leads to a phone number or a date, try measuring curiosity:
Did you learn something new?
Did the other person light up at a question you asked?
Did the exchange feel genuine?
Mindset #3: Be Present
Being present creates more connection than saying the “right” thing.
It’s tempting to rehearse lines in your head or overanalyze how you’re coming across. But people don’t connect with a polished persona — they connect with someone who is presence. Listening well, reacting in the moment, and sharing something real beats the “perfect” delivery every time.
Closing Thoughts
Before you worry about where to go, check in with how you’re showing up. The right mindset makes any environment more fertile ground for connection.
Making Connections is an ongoing series about where and how to meet people, move beyond small talk, and build real relationships.
Stay tuned for the next article: Part 2: Where to Meet People in Real Life.
