Should You Try (or Re-Try) Online Dating?
🕒 Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Online dating can feel like standing in a hallway of closed doors — how do you know which one is worth opening?
Ever stood outside a party wondering if it’s even worth walking in?
That’s how a lot of people — especially those who are newly single in their 40s, 50s, or 60s — feel when it comes to dating apps. They’ve heard horror stories. They don’t use social media. The idea of flirting through a screen feels awkward at best, disheartening at worst. And yet… dating apps are everywhere. So the question lingers:
Should you try one?
Let’s break it down with data.
Why Dating Apps Feel So Strange (Especially If You Didn’t Grow Up With Them)
For many people, online dating feels disorienting — like being pulled into something strange, repetitive, or hard to make sense of.
For many people, especially those re-entering the dating pool after a long time away, the whole experience of online dating feels… off. The way people interact can come across as transactional. Matches vanish mid-conversation. Messaging feels more like marketing than connection.
There’s also a perception that apps are full of bots, scammers, or people who aren’t serious — and that perception isn’t totally unfounded. Reports estimate that Tinder’s user base is roughly 75% male, with a relatively small percentage of those users actually looking for a relationship. Many are swiping casually, out of boredom, or using the app sporadically — all of which can lead to lower match rates and communication drop-offs .
Apps can also feel age-exclusive. Most dating apps are designed with users under 44 in mind. While platforms like OurTime or SilverSingles cater to older audiences, reviews often cite clunky design, poor user experience, and steep subscription fees. In general, most dating apps cater heavily to users under 44, with usage dropping significantly among older demographics.
What Most People Don’t Realize About Dating Apps (From a Product Perspective)
Dating apps are built by product teams optimizing for metrics like engagement and revenue — not necessarily your dating success.
Here’s something you won’t see in the app store: dating apps are businesses. And like most consumer tech products, their design choices are influenced by business goals like:
DAU (Daily Active Users)
Retention and re-engagement
Revenue from subscriptions, boosts, and premium tiers
In short: the longer you stay on the app, the more money they make.
Match Group — which owns Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, and more — generated over $3.4 billion in revenue in 2022. Tinder alone earned over $1.8 billion in 2023 from features like Super Likes, Boosts, and Tinder Gold. Even Hinge — with its charming “designed to be deleted” slogan — follows a monetization-first business model.
This doesn’t mean they’re evil. But it does mean they’re not optimized for love. They’re optimized for engagement.
So… Should You Bother?
Trying a dating app is like walking into a room full of closed doors — there’s no guarantee what’s behind them, but it might be worth exploring.
Maybe.
Dating apps are just one way to meet people — not the only way. Think of them like a gym membership: signing up doesn’t guarantee results. What matters is how you use it, and whether it’s aligned with your goals.
According to Pew Research, 10% of partnered adults say they met their significant other on a dating app. That means most people don’t find long-term partners through apps alone — especially if they’re using them passively or without clarity.
That said, apps do work for some — and if you're going to try, the key is to do it intentionally.
5 Ways to Make Dating Apps Work for You — Without Losing Your Mind
Treat online dating like an experiment — set goals, take notes, and learn what works for you.
Time-box your effort.
Give yourself 4-6 weeks. Spend no more than 15–30 minutes a day. Set boundaries upfront so it doesn’t become a draining time sink.Optimize your profile.
Use clear, recent photos. Write a bio that reflects your personality and what kind of connection you’re looking for.Learn the etiquette.
Messaging can feel like a foreign language if you haven’t dated in years. Keep it light, curious, and don’t be afraid to move things along.Move off the app quickly.
Suggest a quick video call before a first date — it’s a great way to screen for red flags, confirm chemistry, and save time.Observe, don’t judge.
Instead of trying to “win” at online dating, treat it as a place to observe human behavior — including your own. What feels good? What doesn’t? What do you learn?
Final Thoughts
Dating apps are imperfect. The incentives are messy. The experience can be confusing.
But if you go in with low expectations, clear boundaries, and a spirit of curiosity, you might find they’re one more place — not the only place — to meet someone interesting.
And if you try it and hate it? That’s data too. You’ll learn what works for you and where to look next.
If dating always seems to follow the same frustrating pattern, it might not be the app — it might be a loop you haven’t spotted yet. Here’s how to break the cycle.
Not Sure What’s Next? I Can Help!
If dating feels like a maze — apps or no apps — you don’t have to navigate it alone.
I offer 1:1 coaching for thoughtful daters who want clarity, strategy, and encouragement.
And if you’re in Southern California, come to one of my in-person connection events — low-pressure, human-centered ways to meet others and practice showing up as your full self.
You deserve a dating experience that feels good to you. Let’s figure out what that looks like together.
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